its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
