I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
