I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
