what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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