I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
