that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
