just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize