you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
