OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
