Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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