Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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