is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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