You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
