If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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