We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
