i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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