I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
