I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
