I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
