You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
