and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
