Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
