1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
wat bout pragnant strippers??
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The uberlube is also flammable
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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