so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
