literally had 100 drinks last night.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
