Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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