I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
