I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
