Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
