Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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