I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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