Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
