The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
