we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
