I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
