About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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