I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
