I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
