I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
the liver wants what the liver wants
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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