I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Text me some of your sweat
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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