I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
