THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
