he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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