oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
