So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I think we might need a safe word for this...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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