Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
