Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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