You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
