Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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