Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
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I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize