there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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