I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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