you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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