i think my tv is drunk
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Panties = found
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
