I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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