I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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