The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
