So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize