o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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