so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
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theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
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all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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