Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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