tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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