i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
