She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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