Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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