I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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