I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
