I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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