pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
