He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
