Dignity is for republicans.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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