Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize