just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I am naked and annoyed.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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