ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
