he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just had sex on a roof
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
