And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Couch. On fire.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
