bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
