You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
