My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Randomize
