i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
