Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
