fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
