We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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