when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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