My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm getting married
To pizza
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize