make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
