I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
