Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Randomize
